• Tikkun Counseling

Stop Making Decisions and Start Making Choices

Updated: Apr 23, 2020

by Ari Kipnis, LCSW

How do I know if this relationship is the best for me? How do I figure out which job opportunity is the right one? I’m feeling stuck but I need to make a decision.

In times like these most of us fall back on the processes we've set up to help us make decisions: those familiar and ubiquitous assessment of ‘pros-and-cons’ list, for example. Yet, 'pros-and-cons’ lists rarely work; rather than helping us arrive at some clarity from assessing the jumble of all the variables, we are often left confused and overwhelmed by the endless analysis of each option. The problem with these processes is that they are limited to the analysis of external variables and they exclude our internal process, our belief systems and values.

Instead of deciding, choose.

What does it mean to choose? Choosing means being intentional about electing the option that fits with who you are - or at the very least - who you want to become. That is to say, rather than evaluating the mathematical values of variables (e.g. job titles vs salary vs benefits), look at how the presenting opportunities align with your personal values, beliefs and priorities.

Before looking at any option and all its benefits and/or limitations, take a moment to ground yourself, do a personal account of your Self and of your soul: Who are you? Who are you becoming? Every choice gives us an opportunity to step into the person we want to actualize.

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